It's ALREADY December...yet, it's ONLY December...Grade 9, the summer and the beginning of Grade 10 seems so far...yet, like it was yesterday. I know i've just contradicted myself, but it's true. When i think about where i've been and the things that have happened in the past year, it all seems so far away...like i did it years and years ago. Yet, when i think about the memories in detail - every little thing that has happened, every movement i've made, everything i've said, just everything...it seems so much like it all happened yesterday. It almost scares me how well i can remember all these things. It's like short clips of a drama constantly playing in my head. And even though, i am (or i think i am) over all these problems i've been in and accepted that i can't change the past, i can never seem to erase them from my mind. But i DON'T want to erase them from my mind. i don't want to forget these memories! it's just that...i can remember them in such full detail that it bothers and frightens me. It's like i'm reliving it...and that's wut i'm afraid of...RELIVING THE SAME MISTAKE. Reliving all the hurt from everyone and everything...all the anger...all the madness...everything. Sometimes...when i think i'm definetly over something...a memory plays in my head...and it feel so weird. I want it to happen again, but i DON'T want it to happen again. If only these "trips back in time" happen only once in a while, it probably wouldn't annoy me so much. But no, it constantly haunts me. Everything just triggers a flashback. Even if i do like to remember the past...i feel like...it's not the time to reflect upon these memories yet. I'm not ready to look back without wanting to go back to square one...